A bitter baby momma is defined by the urban dictionary as “When a woman can't get over the fact that she and her child's father are no longer together. She will try to destroy her baby daddy’s happiness in every way possible. She won’t let the dad get his child, she will use child support as a threat, and she will try to destroy every relationship her baby daddy has.”
This is a term used so lightly in our culture. It is often one-sided and lacks actual truth. I dare to say that most women are not bitter and more than likely tired of inconsistencies from the other parent. I am also not saying that people don’t play vindictive games. However, I’d like you to look at the other side of the coin today. Let’s tackle bitter baby momma quote #1 She’s mad because we aren’t together, so she put me on child support.
First, let’s start with a couple who were married and due to unreconcilable differences ended in divorce. In the state of Indiana when a marriage ends in divorce with children the couple must set up a child support order to break down how the children will be cared for upon the divorce. This is law this is not something you can get around. Once this is in place the courts will allow the divorce. Once divorced both parties are to make sure that they hold up their ends of the agreement. This is in time and money with the children’s needs put first. However, if one has never been married you would assume that because an ex has been placed on child support it’s due to some vendetta they must have against their once spouse. No, that’s the law. But again, when one only knows what “hood culture” has taught them then of course the masses are ready to drag the mother.
Next, let’s talk about consistency when raising children. Both parties must place the needs of the children first before anything else. When a child lives in a home where one of their parents is a “holiday parent” one who only pops into the child’s life when it is convenient for them I.e., “birthdays, holidays, I’m down and out so let me go pop up on my child” it creates damage that could last a lifetime. When raising children inconsistent parenting causes low self-worth, rejection, inadequacy, and low confidence in the child. “Unpredictable parental behavior and an unpredictable environment disrupt the optimal development of emotional brain circuits during a child's development, increasing the risk of mental health disorders and substance abuse later in life” (Today in Science, Dr. Tallie Z. Baram June 2022). Research has shown that children must have consistent parenting and a consistent environment to properly develop in minds, bodies, and souls. All of this leads me to the bitter baby momma quote #2 She won’t let me see my kids.
If you are a parent who is inconsistent in your child’s life, you make promises you don’t keep, you never show up for your child then you are an inconsistent parent. You are causing unimaginable damage to your child. I would also like to say to current girlfriends, boyfriends, wives, husbands, families, and friends of these parents that you must hold them accountable. Don’t pacify the behavior. Children do not care if their parent has millions of dollars, they value time over money any day. So, if you tell your child you are coming to the soccer game be there. If you tell your child, you are going to take them to a movie show up and take them to the movie. When a parent has said enough is enough and closes that door between an inconsistent parent it is not because they are mad, they aren’t together or that they have moved on it’s because they have spent nights picking their child up from a place of despair from the inconsistent parent. They have spent time and money in therapy for their children because they don’t want them to have low self-esteem or feel unworthy due to the inconsistencies of the other parent. It is because they don’t want their children to grow up and believe that they aren’t good enough. After all, the inconsistent parent never made time for them. Inconsistent parenting causes the same emotional damage as living with a man or woman who beats you physically and mentally the child never wins in these circumstances. I would even go a little further to say that if a mother or father has closed the door on the inconsistent parent it is because they have the willpower to know that their children are in one of the most vulnerable times of their lives and values their growth and development over anything else.
We as a society need to stop labeling situations from one side. We as a society need to come up out of the “hood culture “and desire more for ourselves. We as a society need to start thinking about the damage our actions have on the people around us. Stop coining everything as a “bitter baby momma or daddy” situation, sometimes it has nothing to do with them being bitter and everything with the development of the children. I believe our society has a lot of broken people in it because they grew up in inconsistent homes with inconsistent parenting where no one has done the work to heal and become a better version of themselves. As a mother, I valued my children and their development from the day I conceived them. This is why I operate the way I do. No child should ever have to figure out why a parent doesn’t love them. No child should ever have to endure such emotional distress. When God gives us the gift of being a parent, we need to understand the importance of this and do everything possible to make sure we create the next generation of adults. Because we aren’t raising children, we are raising adults. So, make the right choices, and remember your children are watching. They do what you do not what you say, so make sure you are setting the best example possible to enrich your children’s lives.
With love
Posh Mom Indy